When the bough breaks. Pastoral care for families of dying infants

Although physicians and other medical personnel can present the parents of dying babies with all the medical and prognostic indicators, few are properly trained to help couples cope with their feelings and the psychic trmoil that follows such a revelation. Often, the hospital chaplain is called to minister to and support the grieving family. Chaplains are called because (1) they represent the spiritual and may be able to help parents find purpose and meaning in their tragedy, (2) they are trained to listen, to help parents talk through their experience, and (3) they foster healing relationships among friends and families and with God. With many ill newborns, death is imminent and time is critical. Bonding, both actual and symbolic, is important. The Church's sacraments can foster this bonding, especially when they are celebrated as a family occasion, as opposed to a last-minute bedside rite. Bereaved parents especially cling to the outward symbols of the sacraments. In working with the grieving parents, chaplains should keep in mind that parents need to know all the available facts, that, individually, each family member goes through a grieving process, each with its own dynamics and time schedule. The death of a child will change parents' lives. Support groups for bereaved parents are helpful, and follow-up is important.