Negotiating couplehood: the process of resolving the December dilemma among interfaith couples

Christmas forces interfaith couples to address questions concerning holiday observances. The purpose of this investigation was to explore the experience of the "December dilemma," that is, the experience of Christmas and Hanukah among couples in which one partner is Jewish. A qualitative design based on the continuous comparison method of Grounded Theory analysis was used. Participants were solicited through interfaith couples' programs, referral, and snowballing. Unstructured interactive interviews of 22 couples were audiotaped, transcribed, and analyzed. The categories generated were: Ghosts of Christmas and Hanukah Past, Coming Together, and Holiday Observances as a Couple. The basic problem facing these couples was how to bridge religious backgrounds with differing holiday traditions in a way that integrated respect for each partner's needs, heritage, and identity. The basic social process of negotiating "couplehood," that is, moving from individuality to partnership emerged when mutual agreement could be reached to solve problems about how to celebrate the December holidays. The data indicated that exploration of the ways these couples managed the dilemmas created by the December holidays provided a window to how they negotiated other challenges in their relationships.