The center of gravity

In "As far as possible': discovering our limits and finding ourselves" (Barish and Vida, 1998), we struggled with the constraints of being "two nice girls" in the context of our individual professional identities as traditionally trained psychoanalysts. We were surprised to discover, through sharing with one another some painful, confusing, and even terrifying clinical experiences, how wedded we were to certain psychoanalytic conventions. It was not a pleasant discovery. What we had to face was the extent of our submissiveness to psychoanalytic theory, and of the cost to our authentic selves of that submissiveness. This daughter-paper is about our learning not to do what we were supposed to do. Its gestation has taken a form that we could not have anticipated, for, as we pursued the writing of this sequel, we seemed to get lost along the way. After working with this over a very long time, we can see now that the paper that was ultimately born, this paper, has functioned as a vehicle for us to experience ourselves in relation in an uncertain, mingling way, conscious and unconscious, trying not to be self-conscious and not defensive. This, we can also see, is how we approach "the center of gravity," where our irreducible and irreconcilable tendencies are struggling to maintain a balance. And even more to the point, this paper is also a demonstration, a look at what developmental transformation is really like, the process to which we all give lip service, but hardly any of us ever pays attention to it in our "real" lives, and if we do, we never, never talk about it.