On learning from the patience

Working with families, especially in areas such as child abuse, throws up many situations that can be viewed as crises requiring urgent action. The sense of urgency can increase when attempts to protect children are met with denial and obstruction. In reviewing our experiences over more than 30 years we have come to recognize that being organized by this sense of crisis can be counterproductive. An alternative has been the counterintuitive reaction of slowing down the process and valuing the chance to consider alternatives while maintaining a steady perseverance. In other words, of patience. We consider the influences, especially from systemic therapy and attachment research that have helped us deal patiently with denial and the potentially frustrating behaviour of abused children that is an outcome of their adaptations to prolonged maltreatment. The article concludes by proposing the value of patience as a useful stance in relation to current developments in family therapy.