Internal connections and conversations: the internalized other interview in bereavement work

Much of the work of grief lies in the ways the bereaved learn to maintain connection to the deceased in their lives, while living alongside the physical absence of them. The theory of an Internalized Other Interview is that we carry within ourselves impressions, memories, beliefs, assessments, doctrines, and codes of those who have shaped our lives through relationship. This internalized community of commentators is active in our lives on a day-to-day basis, but when someone dies, their active voice in the dialogue is shifted to a perceived inactivity. However, I argue that, despite the physical absence of the other, the voice continues to resonate and interact in our formation of our worlds. How our loved ones live on inside us influences who we are in the world and in our bereavement. As a result of our research and clinical work, I have come to believe that the active interviewing of the deceased person as internalized in the bereaved can have powerful and healing effects. In this article, I share the results of the research related to this intervention, describe the history located in Internalized Other Interviewing, and offer a transcription of an Internalized Other Interview with a young man and his family who recently lost both his brother and father.