How children handle life when their mother or father is seriously ill and dying

The aim of this study was to describe and understand how children handle their life when a mother or father is dying.

The research design was phenomenological hermeneutic. The phenomenological approach enabled us to capture the concrete everyday life of the children as it is understood and experienced by the children themselves. The hermeneutical approach offered the possibility of reaching an understanding of the children's experiences.

Seven children aged 11-17 years participated in the study. Data were collected using qualitative interviews and video diaries.

The researcher complied with ethical guidelines that apply to all researchers and followed ethical guidelines for nursing research in the Nordic Countries (Northern Nurses Federation). The children's names were changed, and the data were treated confidentially.

Analysis produced an overarching theme of death's waiting room, with following sub-themes: Relating to death, when death becomes even more clearly manifest and handling life in death's waiting room.

This study focuses on a limited explored area; children's lived life with a dying parent. The study limits itself to focusing on children's life world; by choosing this focus, we have not included the relational aspects that are essential aspects of children's lives. One might focus on these aspects in a second study to shed further light on the children's lives.

When children live in a family with a dying mother or father, they find that their home is transformed from a safe base into death's waiting room. The children use a variety of ways to handle the confrontation with death. Avoiding talking to the children will not protect them from their thoughts about death.