Hope is a four-letter word: riding the emotional rollercoaster of illness management

In this autoethnography, I explore the process and emotional experience of trying a new drug to improve my quality of life. In so doing, I synthesise personal history with extant research on chronic illness by analysing ways in which my experiences reflect and reject social norms. I also incorporate perspectives from research on aspirations and attainment, and the mental health consequences of cyclical disappointment. By weaving together lessons from each of these literatures, I articulate an integrative psychosocial understanding of the micro-level processes and experiences involved in illness management as well as the ways that experiences of illness management may require integration of varied sociological insights concerning health. In closing, I draw out theoretical implications for understanding the integration and variation of insights from many areas of health research in the lived experiences of people with chronic conditions. A Virtual Abstract of this article can be seen at: https://youtu.be/5aoaWGItDgM.