Transforming helplessness: an approach to the therapy of "stuck" couples

Therapists working with couples often find themselves frustrated when they proceed to negotiate conflicts, even when the historical antecedents and psychological dynamics seem well understood. Despite the genuine willingness of each member to negotiate a solution, they remain stuck in demands that the other take the first steps toward change. This article proposes that a crucial step--transforming helplessness--must precede efforts at fostering communication/negotiation skills. A four-square analysis of the situation helps to explain how this stalemate occurs. Also, it points the way to strategies that can transform the couple's attitudes from helpless complaining to empowered, creative action. Three case examples illustrate clinical applications of this approach.