Running-In(to) Transition: Embodied Practice under the Load of Infertility, Baby Loss, and Motherhood

Running is an embodied feminist practice that both shapes and reflects who women are. The field of tribology includes the science and technology of how surfaces interact in relative motion to one another, as well as how the "running-in" of these planes under load contributes to a "steady state" or balance. In this essay I employ embodiment and the tribology frameworks of running-in and steady state in order to explore meanings that emerge over a year-and-a half-long period as I engage two surfaces - my body and running - under the load of infertility, miscarriage, neonatal loss, motherhood, and transitioning into being 40-years-old. I use embodied and autoethnographic methodologies, including running, writing, and poetic inquiry in order to explore meanings born from this running-in process. In doing so, I bring to bear sociocultural challenges women experiences with infertility and perinatal loss, healthcare, and mothering that lead to an (un)steady state. I theorize this state as a space of freedom, the embodiment of health as I learn to craft a new normal and live well despite inescapable trauma.