How to live with statistics (without having to marry them)

In the ever more complex world of medical research and data analysis, it becomes necessary, no matter the reluctance to do so or the asthenia of spirit or capacity, for the reader to have a working familiarity with the nature of modern statistical tests. Armed with this insight, he or she can, without fail, ascertain any bias of the author or, in other cases, of the reviewer's statistical consultant. The following is in the nature of a user's manual of modern methods. Caveat emptor.