Between mother and daughter: Brown erotics and sacred notes

In this short essay, I offer an alternative ontology and epistemology of the term "lesbian" vis-à-vis my relationship with my brown Pakistani mother. I bring into this reading a number of variables ranging from the geographic, historical, biopolitical, and economic to the embodied, affective, esthetic, and immaterial. In recounting formative moments of my childhood - Quranic pedagogy alongside classical voice, singing and dance lessons - I re-read the spaces that produce homosociality and homoerotics as sites of brown maternal knowledges and feminist transgressions. This essay uses memory to examine the different ways that lesbian, both as a term and a mode of being, is not necessarily attached to sexual identity and practices. Analyzing how desire and secrecy are mediated by global capital, postcolonial respectability, nation, and compulsory heterosexuality, brown erotics and sacred notes offers a close look into the nuanced relationality between a brown mother and brown daughter, and takes seriously questions of what constitutes living a feminist life, and being and becoming a lesbian.