Psychodynamic Aspects of Love: A Narrative Review

Love is a delicate experience that delves into the foundations of the psyche, and many sources of the emotional experience of love remain unconscious. The nature of love is twofold and contradictory, regressive and progressive, constructive and destructive, connecting and separating, directed toward the object and the self. The ability to idealize is a precondition for "falling in love". Abrupt disappointments can be traumatizing, but gradual ones include the work of mourning and may lead to a more authentic relationship that is less obscured by narcissistic needs. Some aspects of projective identification, which can be a defense, a primitive form of object relation, and a path for psychological change, may be present in all forms of love. These are the close interaction of self and object, blurred boundaries between them, the need that the other person feels what one feels, and a strong desire to continue the relationship. A therapeutic setting can enable the long-term transformation of love in transference and more mature expressions of love in life. The maturation of narcissism is the hallmark of mature love. One of the prerequisites for mature love is a mature superego, which does not require suffering as a prerequisite for satisfying one's needs. Clear differentiation of the boundaries of the self enables safe (temporary) blurring or disappearing of its boundaries and satisfaction of needs for repetition of lost fusion with the primary object of love. Mature love also means the capacity for tolerating ambivalence, i.e., the capacity to integrate both love and hatred experiences of the same person. One can see love as a "glue" that helps integrate different aspects of the psyche into a harmonious whole.