Blenders, Hammers, and Knives: Postpartum Intrusive Thoughts and Unthinkable Motherhood

"Intrusive thoughts" are common symptoms of perinatal mood and anxiety disorders such as postpartum obsessive-compulsive disorder. These thoughts can include horrific flashes of violence involving one's baby and frequently lead to shame and fear on the mother's part, but rarely result in real-world violence. Clinicians tend to downplay the importance of these images' content and calm women by reminding them that they will not act on their impulses. This article leans into the dark nature of intrusive thoughts. I intersperse theoretical and ethnographic reflections with vivid fragments of narratives about intrusive thoughts collected from several years of ethnographic research conducted with postpartum women in the United States. I explore the fear, rage, and repulsion that characterize the thoughts themselves and the racism, classism, and sexism involved in clinical, institutional, and interpersonal responses to them. I suggest that dwelling on the "unthinkable" images contained within intrusive thoughts may be important for understanding and accepting the realities of mother love.