Stage discrepancy in male couples

Any characteristic in the developmental stages of relationships has the potential for being at the core of a stage discrepancy problem. A few of the more frequently seen stage discrepancies are (a) reappearance of the individual in Stage Three in conflict with the merging of Stage One, (b) reappearance of the individual in Stage Three threatening the dependability of the partner in Stage Four, and (c) the high limerence of Stage One in sharp contrast with the loss of limerence in Stage Two. As a side issue, and as has been stated elsewhere, one of the most common causes for terminating male relationships toward the end of the first year is the loss of limerence. Examples of characteristics in conflict are as numerous as the characteristics in male couples. In some instances, characteristics of later stages appear earlier as symptoms of insecurity, dependency, or difficulty in managing the aging process. Stage discrepancies often appear as behavioral manifestations, or as symptoms of the difficulties that the couple or individual is having in resolving the stage discrepancy problem. However, the conflicts are often presented to the psychotherapy as problems of: (a) developing or maintaining intimacy; (b) power, competition, or control issues; (c) jealousy; or (d) differences in dealing with expressions of anger or tenderness. Utilizing the framework of stages of relationships and the possibility of discrepancy in the developmental characteristics can give the psychotherapist added understanding of the presenting complaints of male couples, which in turn can lead to a better assessment of the couples' difficulties and the development of new strategies of treatment intervention.