"It's Their Consent You Have to Wait For": Intimate Partner Violence and BDSM Among Gender and Sexual Minority Youth

Gender and sexual minoritized (GSM) youth are more likely than their cisgender heterosexual peers to experience intimate partner violence (IPV) and practice bondage and discipline, domination and submission, sadism, and masochism (BDSM). Although IPV and BDSM are vastly different phenomena, superficial similarities (e.g., violent behaviors) can lead to misidentification in both practice and research. This study explores how GSM youth (a) experience and understand the differences between IPV and BDSM and (b) report consensual violent and controlling behaviors when answering items on IPV measures. Nine demographically diverse GSM youth (mean age 21.2) were drawn from a GSM youth-serving organization in the Northeast United States. Participants were interviewed about their experiences with IPV, BDSM, and consent. Participants also were asked to describe the process of completing two standardized measures of IPV. Interviews were coded using conventional and directed content analysis. Eight of nine participants reported IPV victimization, and seven reported BDSM interest or experiences. Four themes emerged: (a) GSM youth experience a spectrum of IPV victimization, often related to their gender and sexual identity; (b) interest in BDSM does not imply an acceptance of IPV; (c) GSM youth have a nuanced understanding of consent and strategies to communicate consent with their partners; and (d) Consent is the organizing framework by which GSM youth distinguish IPV from BDSM. Participants reported various degrees of certainty that they would include BDSM behaviors when answering questions about violent behaviors. Findings underscore the importance of conceptually and operationally differentiating IPV and BDSM. Programs that serve GSM youth should address IPV victimization, offer sex-positive education regarding healthy relationships and BDSM, and assist GSM youth in differentiating abusive behaviors from consensual BDSM. Standardized measures that do not conflate BDSM with IPV are crucial for studying IPV among GSM youth.