A truly responsive listener is a self-verifying listener

We propose that accounts of responsiveness and responsive listening are tailored for people with positive self-views (high self-esteem, positive self-concepts). Researchers define responsiveness, in part, as valuing and appreciating a partners' attributes, accomplishments, and worldview. This emphasis on being positively validated overlooks the dangers of feeling overvalued, which are especially salient to those with low self-esteem and negative self-views. Self-verification motives lead people to feel closest to partners who see them as they see themselves. Responsiveness and positive validation may increase closeness among those with positive self-views, but these processes may backfire for those with negative self-views. We describe the challenges such individuals face in eliciting self-verification from partners and suggest ways of improving responsiveness to those with negative self-views.