Feeling understood and appreciated in relationships: Where do these perceptions come from and why do they matter?

Perceptions of romantic partners (even inaccurate perceptions) are important determinants of initial liking and long-term relationship satisfaction. In the current article, we consider the role of perceptions in romantic relationships through the lens of felt understanding and appreciation. We first examine where perceptions of feeling understood and appreciated come from, considering partner, self, and dyadic influences. We then examine how feeling understood and appreciated shape relationship quality, focusing on these perceptions as buffers of negative relationship experiences and mechanisms through which couples can create positive upward cycles of responsiveness and appreciation. Finally, we theorize about the unique dyadic experience of feeling understood and appreciated, positing that moments of mutual understanding and appreciation play a critical role in increasing social connection.