I and thou in dialogue: Becoming more relational in couple therapy

Couple therapists have the unique and challenging opportunity of helping people find deeper connection in their intimate relationships. These clinicians apply therapeutic models and interventions designed to help couples. However, many of these models are derived from theoretical, scientific, and sociocultural traditions that conceptualize human phenomena as individualistic and reductionistic, and the language in these theories may not match clients' experiences, which include deeply relational phenomena such as love and loss. We review how Western scientific and sociocultural traditions have shaped conceptualization of problems and clinical intervention in couple therapy. In contrast, we provide an alternative, strongly relational framework for couple therapy that draws upon philosophical perspectives asserting that relational, rather than individual, experience is fundamental in human interaction. These ideas provide relational language which can influence how couple therapy is viewed and enacted. Specifically, we discuss how a strongly relational approach changes how therapists understand and intervene with conflict, abuse, love, and deception. This relational framework can help couples in their own goals to become more unified. Implications for the therapeutic relationship, interventions, and scholarship are provided.