A study of the married bisexual male: paradox and resolution

Men who live in conventional marriages and at the same time have significant love-sex relationships with members of their own sex are largely an invisible group in our society. However, there is evidence to suggest that they are not rare, only rarely identified. How these men perceive themselves, reconcile the ordinary aspects of their lives with their atypical sexuality, and conduct themselves in marriage and family life are the focus of this study. Particular attention is paid to two major paradoxes in their lives: the contradiction between their heterosexual public identity which places them comfortably in the mainstream of society and their stigmatized and forbidden homosexual desires and behavior; and the ethical issue of deceiving their wives as well as others to whom they are intimately related. Sixty men drawn from a non-clinical population presented their life stories in extended tape-recorded interviews. These men show great variations in their patterns of psychosexual development as well as in their accoMmodations to marriage and do not fit readily into simple categories. Most of them have found fulfillment and have no wish to change the pattern of their lives. In part, the study contrasts the more successful with the less successful marriages. A major conclusion is that some men are able to express with minimal conflict their homosexual and heterosexual impulses within the framework of a conventional marriage.