It's not personal: the use of deflections in social rejections

What do people say to socially reject someone, and is it what they would want to hear? We test whether rejectors use deflections - words to deflect the interpretation of the rejection as a negative judgment of the rejectee (e.g., "nothing personal") - and whether that has the desired effect. In two exploratory studies, participants spontaneously used deflections in video-recorded and written social rejections (N₁ = 497, 19.1% deflections; N₂ = 94, 35.1% deflections). In two preregistered studies (N₃ = 1213; N₄ = 933), participants imagined themselves as rejectors and as rejectees across multiple contexts (Study 3) and as rejectees in situations with acquaintances or close friends (Study 4). Participants preferred rejections with deflections compared to rejections without, and particularly preferred "nothing personal." The present research addresses the struggle to find the right words for social rejection and opens an avenue for investigation of when and how language may soften the blow.