Isn't it my loss? Grief experiences of counselor educators following student death

Although bereavement responses in higher education often emphasize student-centered care, this focus can obscure faculty members' own experiences of loss. This study examined counselor educators' lived experiences following the death of a student using interpretative phenomenological analysis (IPA). Eleven counselor educators across the United States who had experienced one to three student deaths participated in semi-structured interviews analyzed idiographically and across cases. Five themes emerged. Grief was experienced as deeply relational and shaped by tensions between personal loss and professional expectations, with educators frequently prioritizing students while managing their own grief privately. Institutional responses, ranging from support to silence, influenced the visibility and legitimacy of faculty grief. Participants described meaning-making through ritual acknowledgment, continuing bonds, and professional transformation characterized by increased emotional presence, pedagogical flexibility, and relational care. Findings highlight the need for faculty-inclusive postvention practices in counselor education.