All the workplace is a stage: extending the double empathy problem through performative relationality

Neurodivergent adults frequently experience difficulties in obtaining and sustaining employment due to challenges building and maintaining workplace relationships. Milton's double empathy problem holds that relational breakdowns in mixed-neurotype interactions occur not because of a social deficit within the neurodivergent interactional partner, but rather because of a mutual misalignment in social expectations and behaviors. A core implication of the double empathy problem is that shared-neurotype dyads experience smoother communication and shared understanding than mixed-neurotype dyads. However, recent work has questioned this claim and the double empathy problem, generally. We address this critique by arguing that it reveals the power of neurotypical expectations and that even within-neurotype interactions often adhere to these expectations to avoid the emotional and social costs of violating them. We draw upon expectancy violations theory as well as emotional regulation and labor theories to develop the concept of performative relationality-a chronic, risk-responsive form of social performance in response to social and evaluative threats through which neurodivergent individuals regulate emotion and expression to reduce anxiety and adhere to neurotypical norms. Using a vignette from Nicole's lived work experience, we illustrate how performative relationality can lead to mutual misunderstanding in same neurotype dyads by making negative expectancy violations feel risky. We further detail how expectancy violations and performative relationality necessitate interventions to (re)shape norms and expectations to reduce pressure to engage in performative relationality due to fear of social and performance sanctions. We close by discussing future research to examine these interventions and their effects.