Dislocated and Disrupted: Experiences of Gay Intended Fathers with Pregnancy Loss via International Surrogacy

This research focuses on the experiences of gay intended fathers with the loss of a pregnancy via international surrogacy, with the aim of exploring a relatively under-researched experience and expanding the knowledge relevant to their needs following pregnancy loss. Twelve Israeli gay men who experienced pregnancy loss via international surrogacy were interviewed. Ricoeur-inspired interpretative phenomenological analysis was conducted to explore their subjective experiences. The findings are presented in a three-stage analysis, consisting of naïve reading, structural analysis, and comprehensive understanding. In the first stage, the experiences emerged as characterized and shaped by distance. In the second stage, four themes were identified: "The Fragmented Experience of Becoming a Gay Parent"; "The Disrupted Experience of Grief"; "Ambiguity of Identity and Roles Following the Loss"; and "Emotional Mechanisms of the Present and of the Future." In the final stage, links were made to embodied grief and ambiguous loss. In the absence of a clear embodied experience, distance increased emotional and relational detachment and fragmented the parental identity. Furthermore, heteronormative norms contributed to ambiguity regarding the right to mourn. Practitioners should provide a safe space to process the surrogacy triad dynamics and clarify roles, helping gay intended fathers feel recognized and validated as parents.