Mate preferences and the compatibility puzzle

Researchers and laypeople commonly assume that romantic attraction depends, at least in part, on whether potential partners possess the traits that a person says they want. Yet recent studies suggest that such preference-matching effects (Preference × Trait statistical interactions) are often surprisingly small or even absent. Possible psychological explanations include (i) mate choice is multivariate, and so the matching effect for any given trait is heavily constrained, and (ii) traits permit flexible interpretations, in that the same trait can be interpreted differently depending on the partner to whom the trait belongs. Compatibility may derive not mainly from the matching of preferences and traits but rather from the way that two people recurrently extend and build upon shared positive experiences over time.