Soft meaning and sincerity in the family system

The concept of "sincerity" is often dismissed as being irrelevant to the understanding of families as systems, since sincerity is seen as a linear, intrapsychic construct. This paper makes the opposite argument. Much family communication involves a particular kind of "soft" meanings. Such meanings are flexible and open to varied interpretation, but their use is nevertheless framed by social rules. Sincerity rules function as social agreements to refrain from manipulating "soft" meaning in particular ways. The expectation that family members are (or are not) likely to communicate sincerely is a crucial systems property, altering both the interpersonal strategies and relationship structures that are likely to emerge within families. The analysis of soft meaning developed in this paper suggests new ways of understanding the rich, tangled, sometimes paradoxical communication typical of families. However, a number of premises frequently associated with family systems theory must be abandoned before a clear analysis of family communication can proceed.