The grief-relief process: coping with the life and death of physically and mentally disabled children

Many parents of children with severe physical and mental deficits appear to be in conflict between two ambivalent emotions, wanting to live with their child and needing to be relieved from their child's constant suffering. This internal struggle may become a life-long "grief-relief process" for the parents that is manageable but unresolved. The emotional conflict may result in a subconscious or conscious death wish for the child. The conflict reaches its peak when etiology, surgery, and prognosis are discussed and when the child dies. It has been noted that with the death of the child there may be a rapid movement from grief to a sense of relief. This has been referred to as the "grief-relief phenomenon." Though relief appears soon, the period of bereavement may be long and painful. Consequently, the importance of long-term follow-up has been emphasized. Practical suggestions have been offered to allied health professionals working with these parents on a daily basis. This article has concerned itself primarily with the emotional adjustment of parents to children with severe deficits. The grief-relief phenomenon may also be applicable in relation to other populations, such as elderly or terminally ill patients who are constantly in pain and suffering.