Restructuring parental attitudes--working with parents of the adult mentally ill

The Thresholds parents group gives the parents of clients an opportunity that has rarely been presented to them. They are able to discuss openly, with their peers, many issues that have not been expressed previously except in the greatest privacy. Often their children's mental illness has been a well-kept secret or has been handled in a guilty and shamefaced way. They do not find it easy, as a rule, to discuss mental illness in the same way they might discuss diabetes or congenital heart disease. It is an enormous relief to be open about their problems with others who are in similar circumstances. The main issues addressed in the group are a redefinition of good parenting to include mutual disengagement, emancipation, and separation; reduction of parental guilt, with its consequent implications of parents getting more out of their own lives, and a reduction of manipulation; and the handling of management issues such as money, medication, visiting, parental expectations, holidays, siblings, and parents' united front. Parents of the emotionally ill are a much maligned group. Too often they are regarded by the mental health community as enemies and not allies. Too often the suffering that they have endured is ignored. Too often parents' strengths are overlooked by mental health professionals treating their offspring. And, finally, too often basic change in the parents is demanded as a prerequisite for meaningful change in the member.