The impact of extramarital relationships on the continuation of marriages

Two groups of practicing therapists were asked to describe in depth a specific extramarital affair with which they were very familiar--whether as therapist, relative, or friend or were themselves involved. Of 62 cases, 21, or 34%, ended in divorce--in the therapists' judgments as a consequence of the infidelity. In 27 cases, or 43.5%, the marriages were preserved, but in an overall dysphoric or negative atmosphere. In 4 cases, or 6%, the marriages were intact but either the marriage was "blah" or empty in quality or the future of the marriage was judged as still in doubt. Only in 9 cases, or 14.5%, were the marriages reported intact and characterized by improvement and growth. Of these, 4 were cases of one-time affairs. Analysis of the direct impact of the affair on the betrayed spouses showed that the majority of the betrayed husbands and wives suffered significant damage to their self-image, personal confidence, or sexual confidence, feelings of abandonment, attacks on their sense of belonging, betrayals of trust, enraged feelings, and/or a surge of justification to leave their spouses. The judgments of the therapists reporting the cases were that fully 89% of the betrayed spouses either were consciously aware of the infidelity or, even if not acknowledging, really knew, and that even the majority of the betrayed spouses who claimed consciously that they opposed their spouses' behavior were unconsciously in collusion with them.