Tolerating reality: the experience of parents of HIV positive sons

In this study, the experience of parents as they discover that their son is HIV+ or has AIDS, witness their deterioration and death, is described. Using the methods of grounded theory, 13 parents (8 mothers and 5 fathers) were interviewed and a model depicting the basic social psychological process (BSSP), keeping reality at a tolerable level, was developed. Six stages of tolerating reality are: Suspecting, Taking it in, Going along with the changed reality, Being swept along with symptoms, Beating down the denial, and learning to live with it. Parents engaged in a number of strategies aimed at keeping reality at a tolerable level, so they could function in their 'comfort zone' and cope with day-to-day horror, fear and uncertainty while attending to their son.