Gay fathers in straight marriages

The author bases his conclusions about gay parenthood on anecdotal evidence gathered from about 100 gay German fathers. First he notes how the religious ethic that surrounds the nuclear family stands in the way of a father's awareness and expression of his homosexual desires. Like van der Geest, he reports that many women are attracted to gay men and proceed to marry them. After coming to realize that husbands' homosexual affairs are transitory and do not constitute a serious challenge to marital and family bonds, a few couples have been able to preserve their marriages. In most cases the marriages collapse under the combined pressures of wife and gay lover both claiming exclusive proprietorship: "the 'love triangle' can rarely be closed." The author laments the existence of all-male gay communities that ignore the existence of females and force gay husbands and fathers to choose against marriage and parenthood.