[Humanistic care--a vital dialog with myself as a nurse]

The author documents the use of "humanistic care" as described by Paterson & Zderad (1988) and presents two case studies. Humanistic care is a transactional process, the carer entering into a relationship with the person for whom he/she cares. At the same time the carer embarks on a conscious dialogue with him/her self. To be "present" means being conscious of ones own thoughts, feelings, impressions and reactions. During a course of graduate study in Canada, the author enrolled in a "self-directed learning programme". She set herself the task of self-analysis. She conducted interviews with two patients suffering from cancer and with their relatives. She hoped that she would be able to reexamine, in this new situation, feelings and emotions which she had repressed earlier in her hospital nursing experience. The goal of the learning experience was to develop personal "authenticity" by becoming aware of existential experiences (her own and others').