The death of a child--the parent's perspective and advice

Recognizing the grief of parents after they have lost a child is an integral part of the practice of pediatric surgery. Parents who have experienced the loss of a child suggest the following: (1) The feelings associated with the loss of a child are not understandable unless you have lost a child of your own. (2) If you have not experienced the loss of your own child you should not state "I understand." You can't (3) The death of a child places stress on the marriage. (4) Many marriages do not survive. If the marriage does survive it becomes stronger than before the child's death. (5) During the recovery the parents see themselves as "different people." (6) Mothers and fathers react to the death differently. (7) Some parents have initiated new, beneficial projects that are in some way related to the child's death. (8) Parents react adversely to "pat" explanations and platitudes. (9) Parents want their friends and relatives to remain available. (10) The dead child should remain as an integral part of the family and no attempt should be made to "forget." (11) The self-help group that is referred to most frequently is "The Compassionate Friends, Inc.," with headquarters in Oak Brook, Illinois.