The borrowed sense of guilt

An enquiry into the aetiology and dynamics of the borrowed sense of guilt is attempted, using selected material from three adult analytic cases. The author describes the tendency for the borrowed sense of guilt to develop in children where there is an extremely narcissistic family member, usually a parent, with a marked tendency to externalize his or her own guilt. The child develops a massive denial of being so used and so little loved by the parent and is trained into accepting the externalized guilt, through long repetition of interactions with the narcissistic family member, in which a terror of abandonment acts as a primary motivator. As development progresses a further powerful dynamic develops that keeps the borrowed sense of guilt in place: it is used by the child as a buttress for his or her denial of the lack of love shown in the relationship. 'I must be the guilty one, and if I just change my behaviour the relationship should be fine', is what the child says to him- or herself.