Separating couples from restraining patterns and the relationship discourse that supports them*

Using ideas from postmodern thought, a process of therapy is described in which couples are "separated" from the reciprocal patterns which have become restraining and are currently affecting the relationship. The description of the pattern is co-created between the therapist and the couple. Once a different pattern begins to emerge, various aspects of relationship or gender discourse and their effect on the relationship are worked with as needed. To help couples break these patterns and separate from the influence of discourse which they determine to be not suitable to their own preferred descriptions, the therapist brings forth other descriptions of the people and/or the relationship which are grounded in their experience. Therapy becomes a parallel process of deconstructing patterns/discourse and restorying along preferred lines.