Working with identity and self-soothing in Emotion-Focused Therapy for Couples

This paper will outline new developments in Emotion-Focused Therapy for Couples (EFT-C) (Greenberg & Goldman, Emotion-focused couples therapy: The dynamics of emotion, love, and power, Washington, DC, American Psychological Association, 2008). People are seen as primarily motivated by their affective goals and the regulation of emotional states. The three motivational systems of attachment, identity, and attraction/liking, viewed as reflective of the core concerns people bring to therapy, are briefly outlined and elaborated. The five-stage model of EFT-C is briefly described. The paper will then provide two illustrations, one that demonstrates how EFT-C therapists work with core issues related to identity, and the other that shows how therapy can promote self-soothing. In the first example, annotated transcripts taken from therapy sessions illustrate how an EFT therapist addresses issues of identity in a highly distressed couple. The second example demonstrates how to facilitate work with individuals within the couples' context to engender and develop capacities for self-soothing, seen as fundamental for the promotion of healthy emotion regulation and couples' overall health.