Working with chronic and relentless self-hatred, self-harm and existential shame: a clinical study and reflections

This paper is the first of a two-part series which explores some of the theoretical and experiential reference points that have emerged in my work with people whose relationship to their body and/or sense of self is dominated by self-hatred and (what Hultberg describes as) existential shame. The first paper focuses on self-hatred and the second paper focuses on shame. This first paper is structured around vignettes taken from a 14-year analysis with a woman who was bulimic, self-harmed and repeatedly described herself as 'feeling like a piece of shit'. It draws together elements of Jung's concepts of the complex and symbol, and Laplanche's enigmatic signifier to focus on experiences of 'inner otherness' around which we are unconsciously organized. It also brings Jung's understanding that emotion is the chief source of consciousness into conversation with Laplanche's approach to the transference which is that by being aware that they do not 'know', the analyst provides a 'hollow' in which the patient's analytic process can evolve. These combinations of ideas are linked speculatively to emerging understandings of the neuroscience of perception and throughout the paper clinical material is used to illustrate these discussions.