Before and After "I Do": Marriage Processes for Mid-Life Gay and Lesbian Married Couples

This qualitative study examines how mid-life gay and lesbian married individuals articulate their decision to marry. Using 2013 data from 30 mid-life couples in Massachusetts, this study challenges previous literature that conceptualized marriage as entirely positive or negative for same-sex individuals. Mid-life individuals' unique social and historical context influence their experiences of marriage, as mid-life individuals have witnessed the rise and feasibility of marriage equality, have formed relationships outside of the bounds of marriage, and have been in committed relationships long before they married. Using the framework of ambivalence, our findings provide three main contributions to the literature. First, we show that marital ambivalence is a common experience in our sample. Second, we detail how marital ambivalence is indicative of the age, life-course stage, and length of relationship for mid-life lesbian and gay individuals. Third, we explore ambivalence at the level of the relationship, not just as an individual experience. This study provides new insight into how sexuality shapes both intimate relationship dynamics as well as the effect of same-sex marriage on LGBT communities and identities.