Setbacks and Successes: How Young Adults on the Autism Spectrum Seek Friendship

To describe the perspectives of young adults on the autism spectrum about how they seek and make friends and explore the diverse ways that some develop satisfying friendships despite social difficulties.

We conducted semistructured interviews with 20 young adults on the autism spectrum about their lives after high school. Although interviews covered a broad range of topics related to transition, the subject of friendship came up frequently throughout the interviews. We extracted data specifically related to friendship for this article and used an inductive approach derived from grounded theory to identify and examine concepts.

Participants had the most success in relationships in which their atypical behavior was normalized. Specifically, this occurred among friends who accepted and appreciated their social differences and through common interests where these differences were not a concern. In other relationships, participants felt that they were expected to adhere to social norms, but found it uncomfortable and/or were not sure how to act in some contexts. Therefore, finding friends who did not expect this was a welcome relief. Participants who were socially isolated wanted more opportunities to meet other people, such as organized social groups, but were not sure how to access these.

Results suggest that friendship, although challenging, can be navigated successfully for some young adults on the autism spectrum. These findings have implications for supporting young adults in their efforts to make friends in ways that work best for them and for creating measures that more accurately reflect their perspectives and needs. Reframing the concept of friendship to include a wider array of experiences and perspectives, identifying successful strategies, and creating more accurate assessments could present a very different picture of friendship and contribute to better outcomes for this unique population.

Background:: Young adults on the autism spectrum often have difficulty making friends due to challenges with social communication. Nevertheless, some do enjoy friendships with their peers. The purpose of this article is to describe friendship seeking from the perspectives of young adults on the autism spectrum and explore the diverse ways that some develop satisfying friendships despite social difficulties. This information can be used to support young adults in their efforts to make friends by identifying the approaches and strategies that work best for them.About This Study:: The information in this article comes from a study we conducted about the transition to adulthood for young adults. We interviewed 20 young adults about their life experiences in their late teens and 20s. Friendship was very important for most of them and they described their desires to have friends, their efforts to make friends, and the significant difficulties and frustrations they faced. They attributed these difficulties to being seen as different from others and too few opportunities to socialize. They had the most success by finding friends who accepted and appreciated their social differences. In these relationships, they did not have to worry about social norms the way they usually did. Several participants found it easier to relate to others on the spectrum and participated in organized social groups. Still others made friends around shared interests where their autism was not a primary concern. Overall, our interviews showed that young adults on the autism spectrum seek friends in a variety of ways.What This Information Tells Us:: Researchers and service providers often conclude that friendship for people on the autism spectrum is lacking when compared with their typically developing peers. However, the experiences of some young adults can tell a story of difference rather than deficit. From this and other studies, it is clear that people on the autism spectrum may perceive friendship differently, have different priorities or goals for friendship, and have different ways of seeking and experiencing friendship than their typical peers. If we broaden our ideas of friendship to be more inclusive, things might appear very differently. Even so, many young adults struggle to make friends. By understanding their experiences with friendship, identifying where they need help, and identifying strategies and approaches that might work best for them, we can better support their efforts.