The why behind the how: The association between motive and strategy use in interpersonal emotion regulation

Interpersonal emotion regulation is a central means through which people seek and provide emotional support. Understanding people's motives for engaging in interpersonal emotion regulation-and how these motives relate to the strategies they report receiving from and providing to others-can reveal the potential alignment or mismatch in why certain regulation strategies are deployed. In two daily life studies (N_total = 402), we captured interpersonal emotion regulation from the perspective of the person soliciting emotion regulation from others (i.e., intrinsic regulation) and providing emotion regulation to others (i.e., extrinsic regulation). In doing so, we explored whether people's regulation motives (i.e., to feel better, get work done, build relationships, and seek or provide perspective) predicted their perception of the regulation strategy (i.e., reappraisal, valuing, distraction, and suppression) they received from and provided to others in everyday social interactions. We found motives people held for turning to others to regulate their own emotions were largely not associated with strategies they reported receiving. However, motives people held for regulating others' emotions were associated with strategies they themselves provided. For instance, people reported making others feel valued and cared for more when holding a motive of wanting others to feel better, recommended suppressing emotions less when holding a motive to build social bonds, and encouraged reappraisal more when holding a motive to provide advice and perspective. Overall, our research highlights a potential gap between the emotional support people want from others and the emotional support they feel they receive, pointing to an avenue of intervention to improve relational and individual well-being. (PsycInfo Database Record (c) 2026 APA, all rights reserved).