On blame

Blaming transaction can be dominant in the lives of couples for years, but blame is usually discussed in terms of the mechanism it is thought to exemplify. "Projection" captures the notion of exculpation but misses features that hold the relationship system together. "Sadomasochism," to the extent that is explains anything, implies that sexual excitement accompanies the giving and receiving of punishment and ignores the fact that blaming is, of its essence, verbal. "Projective Identification," as a transpersonal defensive operation, encompasses a systems level of thought but may not be used in a way that stresses the disowning of parts carried by the other. None of these mechanisms captures the richness of the symptom which serves to express and contain disowned inadequacy in the persons in the system. The endurance of marriages organized around blaming underscores the collusive nature of the seemingly aversive transaction. When such marriages do break up psychosis or aggression directed at self or others points to blaming as a restitutive phenomenon. Therapeutic understanding of blame must go beyond manifest content and encompass the appreciation of blame as mechanism, symptom, and restitution.