[Family secrets exemplified by heterologous insemination]

Potential consequences of intrafamilial concealment are discussed in the context of coping with the stigmatizing diagnosis of male infertility and its treatment by artificial insemination by donor. First results of a longitudinal study are presented. A 5-year follow-up was obtained from 40 out of 57 couples initially interviewed. 34 of the couples had kept donor insemination secret even towards their families. 10 of them considered themselves oppressed by the secrecy, especially at the time of insemination. Only two out of 26 successful couples intended to reveal details of conception to the child. These findings suggest that information of the children can follow different strategies. Children should be acquainted with details of their conception if friends or relatives of the parents are informed, in order to reduce the risk of the traumatic event of information by others. In all other cases the decision to inform children or not is to be left in the hands of the parents. Even though maximum candidness is considered desirable today, the "cathartic" revelation of family secrets can be as destructive as their conservation.